"Just Being Me"

Or maybe I am saying that because I don't have a man at the moment, I don't think so. Valentine's Day like any other Holiday isn't what it use to be. I just may be getting older huh? One day my ex-husband bought me some roses. I put them in the living room. He told me later on that depending on where I placed them determined if I liked them or not. If I put them in the bedroom that means I love them .hmmmmmm. I didn't forget that, but he did catch on that I didn't care for roses or candy that much. because roses die, and candy will be eaten.  A card says a lot..I wanted something that will last. Something you can go back and look at, something that will have memories attached. I promise I just don't have anything that i can go back and  look at and say wow I remember this!!! Old dude gave me these..As I write this, I am still thinking about do I have something I can brag on right about now.,But certain things we just don't forget., When I do think about ...

I woke up this Morning decided to make some chicken stew, got the crock pot out and started the preparation, First it required an onion chopped in the bottom. as I was doing that my eyes had started to burn and i couldn't breath..leaving out the part about my allergies(lol).I had to back up to catch my breath..(I did rinse the onion like they say) but it was too much so i went to sit in another room to calm myself down..My imagination got the best of me.saying to myself. what if i can't breath what if i pass out? I got my grands here,I can't let that happen..after I came back to reality and washed my eyes and hands and went back to preparing my mind went back to how short life really is. It took me way back to the last three years of my life when I thought that the man in my life was the man that god had place there for the rest of my life. about halfway through the relationship, I started questioning God? I starting saying, God surely you didn't put this man in my life...

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Imagine being angry at someone since high school, You never resolved it and you havent moved on. and you havent forgave anybody. How miserable of a life that is? Forgiveness is always the right way to go.If you can't forgive and forget, pick one..It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.. I have a grandson who is 14 yrs old, I havent seen him in a long time. Why? Well his mother decided that since she was angry with my son, we all shall suffer. Keep in mind that this happen while they was fresh out of high school, neither one hadn't had time to live thier lives but there is a baby on the way. But like every other man I know. You havent experience life yet so the first thing a man will do it go out and see what's out there. I know because it happen to me, I had my first child at 17....

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a thousand masks, masks that I am afraid to take off and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that's second nature with me, but don't be fooled. For God's sake don't be fooled. I give the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game; that the waters are calm and I am in command, and that I need no one. But don't believe me, please. My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing 'Neath this lies no complacence. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, and aloneness. But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed. That is why I frantically create a mask to hide behind; a nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But ...